God is in Control

Here we Go....The perfect saying for my life. I just let go and hope for the best. You may be wondering, "For what did he let go of and hope for the best?" Well, I'll tell you. I applied for 15 internships this summer from 4 different companies, and I didn't (to my knowledge) get a single one. I only got one interview and that was a week ago and I haven't heard back since. Basically, I just applied and hoped for the best and the best didn't come; at least in my mind it didn't. I constantly forget that God should be in control of my life. I always try to plan everything my way and it hardly ever turns out. I need to remember that God is in control and that He has a better plan. Right now I can't see how not getting a job in the engineering field and working in the restaurant business for the summer is better for an engineering major, such as myself, but apparently it must be. There is something that I am missing and I am positive that it will be revealed to me later in life. I can't think of any reason now but there must be one. I know He will somehow work everything out. Maybe I am worrying much too soon and will get a call tomorrow with a job offer. It's doubtful but it could happen. Well, I hope I can keep the faith and realize God's plan trumps my plans any day.

Breeding Failure

It seems to me that I don't usually get what I want in life. That's not a huge deal but it doesn't seem to change. Its a continuous string of disappointments that rule my life. I don't have enough money, I don't get an internship I wanted; small things like that. The last is the most recent disappointment. I applied for an internship to NASA at White Sands Missile Range a few months back and was waiting until mid to late April for any news on whether I was chosen or not. I wasn't expecting to get it because its NASA and they only chose a few people each year but I was somewhat hopeful nonetheless. I learned that a guy who was initiated into an engineering honor society with me last night and a girl already in that honor society, both got that internship to NASA. I was happy for them but at the same time very pissed off that I didn't get it. I have good enough grades and was in the running for being in this honor society that only accepts the top 1/8 of juniors and top 1/5 of seniors. I should know to never be optimistic in life. I broke my one rule and it bit me in the butt. I have a saying..."Optimism only leads to disappointment," and the one time I ignore it, it proves itself all too true. On a lighter note, I set a new record for the honor society by getting the most signatures from faculty. The old record was 37 and I got 39. One of the requirements for entry into Tau Beta Pi was to get as many signatures from engineering faculty as you could. There were 105 names on the list so when I brought it back with only 39 signatures I felt like I missed the mark. Turns out I was above it. See, I was pessimistic and I was surprised when it turned out to be good. Thats how I usually live my life. Pessimism leads to surprise and joy. A new quote of mine, to be sure. I have applied for about 5 other internships but I am not too sure I'm going to get any of them. I have a funny way of breeding failure even though I try my best. I try my best at everything I do and I fail anyway. You may say that Thomas Edison failed hundreds of times before he got a working lightbulb. Well I am failing to even get to a point where I can get the chance to make a lightbulb. I won't give up, of that I am sure, but I won't be optimistic about the future. My future is so dark I have to wear night vision googles.